“Is this the line?”
“Someone in there?”
“Is it locked?”
“Has anyone checked?”
Long silent pause.
“Anybody up for using the Men’s Room?”
Ah, the rushed, anatomy-clenching small-talk of Ladies while waiting in line to use the Ladies Room. The Powder Room. The Restroom. The Sitting Room. The Public Convenience. The Comfort Station.
And I mean anywhere, any time, any place.
When are we Ladies going to speak up? Organize. Mount (or rage) a Ladies Room Initiative on architects, engineers, developers, building inspectors and public officials to give us a break.
A Ladies Room break, that is.
My recommendations are simple:
1) A mandated 3-minute line limit
2) 5 Ladies’ Toilets (and wash basins) to every 1 (yes, one!) Men’s Toilet.
Hopefully, # 2 (recommendation, that is) will ensure the enforcement of # 1.
Why am I so (I just have to use this expression) pissed off?
Well, last evening I attended an outdoor concert in a nearby waterfront town.
The evening was spectacular, with the August sun setting amid ribbons of whispy pink, blue and purple clouds. The grass was greener than green. People of all ages blended in a delightful kaleidoscope of colors and sounds.
And then, as we are known to do, Ladies needed to use a restroom. The nearest “convenience” was within a little ice cream shop. But Ladies were required to purchase ice cream of some sort prior to the privilege of “convenience.”
Ah, ha! Pay for pee. Or worse.
That’s when the Ladies began talking.
Of the sports facilities. Mass transit systems. Malls. Ski resorts. Beaches. Restaurants. All the places, and all the times, we waste precious moments of our Ladies’ lives waiting to “go.”
And being the Mom of two daughters, I have done my share of waiting.
I recall one gorgeous winter day of skiing in New Hampshire when Audrey and Jane were probably 4 and 6 years old. There was the inevitable, “Gotta go”… and off to the Ladies Room we went.
Now to understand the time factor in accomplishing this deed, one need understand the anatomy of woman (no, I will not get graphic here!). But the anatomy DOES lie under ski pants, long underwear, panties… and to access these three items, one must remove glove liners, gloves, and ski jacket (and there is no place to put these things).
And by this time both Mom and girls are sweating so profusely that almost everything has to be removed so that the sweat does not freeze the girls’ little buns off once outside again.
Oh, my!
Then back to the slopes, where my husband and two boys have not only used the Men’s facilities, but have made 60 runs and are back in for dinner.
And of course asking, “Where have you been?”
Arhrrrrgh.
And skiing aside, there’s still “a lotta to gotta” in any Ladies’ situation.
We have belts, snaps, buttons, zippers. We have pants, panties, pantyhose, control things, and monthly additions to the repertoire.
We must bend, squat, stretch, straddle. All the while taking great care that our hems don’t touch the nasty floor.
We must balance pocketbooks, shopping bags, luggage. We must fully contort our entire bodies to reach the toilet paper dispenser only to find that it is empty, or just as bad, designed to allow .15 inch of toilet paper (therefore needing 2,000 of them to make one clean wipe-swipe).
We must squeeze into the tiny stalls with our little daughters (and oftentimes sons), working in a frenetic pace so no tiny hands touch ANYthing.
“Don’t touch!” we say. No “please” here.
Of course, we have already prepared the toilet for the deed by gathering reems of toilet paper to wipe away the previous Ladies’ sprinkle, and then layered the toilet with 10 inches of paper (because we all know that the waxy pre-made toilet covers will blow away if you breathe, or at best crumble to the size of the face of your watch).
And oh yeah, we must have the dexterity of a Rockette to flush the toilet with our shoe.
Hours later, we emerge from the stall just to discover that your daughter has, in fact, touched EVERYthing. And there is no soap.
Men… well, they must either pull down or unzippedy-do-da. Fish around for a fraction of a second. And “go.” That simple.
And men don’t even necessarily need a toilet for this function.
Again… Arhrrrrgh.
So, okay. Let’s get back to our LRI (Ladies Room Initiative). And let’s keep it simple.
We don’t need to “powder” in these rooms. We don’t need to “rest” in these rooms. We don’t need to “sit” in these rooms. We don’t even need to be particularly “comfortable” in these rooms.
We “gotta go.” We “gotta wash” (with soap, please). We gotta get in, get out, get back to what we were doing before duty called.
In fact, our motto will be: WE GOTTA BE IN AND OUT AS FAST AS A MAN
And that means a 3-minute line limit, and 5 Ladies’ toilets to every 1 Men’s.
Nah. On further analysis, the LRI is getting a little demanding here. A 2-minute line limit and 10 Ladies’ toilets to every 1 Men’s.
And one more thing. Mandate #3… Tot Toilets and Tot Basins for our Little Ladies. Just the right size!
We “gotta go” for Accessibility. We “gotta go” for Cleanliness. And we “gotta go” for Enforcement of our Rules!
Perhaps even a Pageant Platform in the next Miss America Competition.
You in?
—————————————-
And now for the contest to go along with the Ladies Room Initiative – The Gotta Go Giveaway!
We want to hear about the best, worst, funniest, grossest, most frustrating, most humorous – whatever! – public restroom experience you have had.
Write a blog post about it, link back to this post, and sign Mr. Linky so we know you’ve entered.
What’s up for grabs?
These fabulous TOILETries…
- Dior Miss Dior Cherie Perfumed Body Moisturizer (6.8 fl. oz)
- method lavender + lemongrass air enhancer
- CALDREA rose pomegranate Hand Balm (4 oz)
- Aveeno spf 55 Continuous Protection natural soy and vitamins C + E Sunblock Lotion (3 oz)
- C.O. Bigelow Mentha Body Peppermint Oil Vitamin Body Wash (8 fl. oz)
- Sadick Dermatology Lip Balm with attachable carrying strap
- Max Studio compact double mirror with black velvet carry case
- JOEY new york Crystal collegen boosting lipstick
- Completely Bare size medium white flip-flops
And a fabulous large black DKNY burlap-ish tote carry bag
*Contest ends Friday, August 17th at 5:00 PM EDT!*
I can’t believe I’m going to tell anyone about this but…..coming back from a trip this one time I suddenly developed cramps for, you know, #2, and of course it was along a highway where there was nothing for miles and miles. I held on, figuring maybe around the next bend there’s a gas station or restaurant….I started to sweat, squeezing my buns together which would have made Jane Fonda proud. Driving has become a nightmare, I can’t see straight…until yesssssss, there’s a Burger King! I don’t even remember if I put the car in park, I was rushing to get in the bathroom. There’s a sign there, washroom closed for cleaning. I went in anyway, mumbled “sorry” to the cleaning lady and got in a stall. There was no time to even do anything my mama had taught me about wiping the toilet seat, etc. Oh blessed relief…I thought I’d never stop going. Now I’m getting very embarrassed about the smell and scared of flushing the toilet, it was so full!! Especially with all the added toilet paper I had to use. I flush and you guessed it, it overflows…I didn’t get out of there fast enough, it was all over my shoes and my pants. The cleaning lady had left in the meantime (probably to get a gas mask) so I hurriedly put my shoes under the tap and trying to scrub my pants…all the while seeing my stall still flooding. I put my shoes back on, walked out and went straight to my car. Never looked back. I wonder if they still have a “Wanted” poster of me on their wall???
Hi PEA! Your story is too hilarious! I can’t stop laughing… and visualizing the whole ordeal!
Sharon – Pinks & Blues Girls
Pea’s story was hilarious…I laughed out loud. Sharon I loved this post. It is so true. Bathrooms and women can be such a horror. I’ll have to gather my stories to enter.
I will link to the contest right away, but I will have to try to remember a fun story to tell! I’ll come back and link to my post once it’s up!
Ooooh – as the mother of a newly potty trained daughter you can bet I have a story! Will blog about it tomorrow – gotta go right now and feed my family lol!
OMGosh, as if I wasn’t laughing hard enough at your post Sharon, I had to click comments and read Pea’s story!!! ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!! How funny! I think this post hits home for all women!!
And this is why I am in now hurry to potty train my daughter. At. All.
Fun contest and last night I thought of my story, but there is no way I am putting it on my blog;) However ever reading your first commet, the similarity struck me, so I’ll share it here and I’ll link to your contest from my blog.
A couple of years ago I was in a similar situation as PEA. The cramps hit and I had to go. We found a gas station, I hurried in and went. Unlike PEA, I flushed the toilet two or three times during the ordeal and waited until I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to have to stop again down the road in five minutes. Someone was trying the door during this ordeal, but they just had to wait.
So feeling much better, I washed my hands and left, only to find a lady in the hall putting an out of order sign on the door. I asked what was wrong (as all was working fine when I was in there). Well apparently, there is a Five Guys restaurant down below and the toilets were…um…backing up/leaking into the kitchen….EWWWWW!!!!!!
Moral of this story…never have a restaurant under a bathroom!
Hahaha! Oh, Sharon! This was a great post! You are soooooooo right about it all! I ALWAYS think about the exact same thing whenever I’m in a LONG line up to use the ladies’ washroom at a public venue. It can be soooooooooo annoying to have to wait and wait and wait…and to see the men going in the men’s restroom and out in a few minutes…No fair! LOL!
PEA’s story just made me laugh so much! I think anything else will pale in comparison!
My worst pee story was when I was at the movies and really had to go…reeeeeeeally badly! The washroom doors were open so I couldn’t see whether it was the men’s or ladies’ room. I just ran…okay, BOLTED into the room and unzipped my jeans, prepared to just let ‘em drop as soon as I found a free stall. I didn’t expect anyone to be in the washroom (I don’t know why I thought that no one would be in there) and I figured that if there were ladies in there, they’d understand the urgency of the situation. Anyway, I made a mad dash for the washroom, with my zipper down and jeans ready to drop… only to realize that there were men standing at the urinals, rather exposed. I must have seemed like a crazy woman. Soooo embarrassing.
I think the worst story that I can think of involves my mother. Bless her soul, she had a multitude of children and at the time of this story, she had 6. I was about 9 and had gone to play at a friend’s house who lived in college housing(ie a mass apartment community about 8 miles from where I lived, that the kids were bussed in from). Consequently, somebody’s mom had to drive us either to my house or my friend’s. This one time I was at her house and my mom was supposed to pick me up at a designated time. I went out to meet her near the street. I waited and waited and needed to go to the bathroom#1 (it’s always better to go at home) so bad. It began to get dark, and I decided that I couldn’t hold it any longer, so I walked back to my friend’s apartment. They weren’t home!! They must have gone out for the evening or something! I think I was just old enough that they figured I would be fine. I walked back out to the curb to wait and I was getting desperate! It had been almost an hour and it was dark. I finally decided that it was either go insane, or go in my pants. I knew I shouldn’t walk somewhere else to go to the bathroom because then when my mom came, she wouldn’t be able to find me. So, I made the decision. I went in my pants! Sweet relief! About 5 minutes later, my mom finally showed up. My nana was in the car with her. I was so embarassed to have to get in the car, pungent as I was. It was horrible.
Shoot. I don’t have any good stories. I think you have some great plans. You’re right, we should do something about it and not tolerate our lack of accomodations anymore.
AMEN!! I am in agreement with the LRI!! Power to the LRI!!
I will post about my story later and join the linky fun!
Oh I have so many stories, I’ll have to think about which one to post.
In the meantime, google “p-mate” and check out the usa website.
I’m about to do a review of their Canadian site soon because they sent me a review package. How cool are those things?
You can carry them in your purse and no more touching the nasty toilet seats in the public restrooms! Your kids can use them too!
You just have to get over the embarrassment of having people in the stalls next to you seeing your feet facing the wrong direction when you pee, lol. (happened to me in Target recently when I used one)
I meant to say your grandkids can use them. But your kids (Jane and Audrey) can too, lol!
Amen Sister!!! This story is oh-so-true and it’s high time we do something about it!!! AND another thing… WHY, OH WHY are the Men’s Restrooms ALWAYS located first in designated areas? Somewhere in the dark corner of every bathroom facility you will find the Ladies Room. Are the contractor’s, more than likely men, biased? Or do they feel we need the extra exercise locating the bathroom? Or maybe, the design is set up so our long line of impatient pee’ers do not filter into the restaurant or main part of the building!
My best friend recently bought a portable travel potty for the back of her mini-van for her daughters. I’m thinking about getting one for myself!
)
Great goodies! I’m linked and posted.
I joined the fun and linked you to my blog. You have to look it’s in the middle of the post.
Well I posted but it’s not a story of a public restroom incident, it’s more of what I had to grow up with.
You can read it here.
http://laurawilliamsmusings.blogspot.com/2007/08/life-as-it-was.html
The best story of mine that comes to mind dates back to high school. I was a freshman on the jv field hockey team. The varsity team had made it to the state championship and brought along some JV players for experience. We rode the yellow school bus for over two hours to get to the game so when we arrived we all had to go. We went into the locker room and discovered that one of the three toilets was clogged. For some reason we all used it anyway and just let the pee and toilet paper pile up. Lovely thing to do for the poor soul who was going to have to fix the toilet. I of course ended up in the stall with the clogged toilet. I did my business and should have been on my way but habit overcame me and I reached back and flushed the toilet. Big mistake! Water immediately started pouring over the sides. I screamed and jumped up on the back of the toilet with my arms hanging on to the sides of the stall. A friend had to open the stall so that I could jump out. We all quickly left the locker room and never told anyone.
Oh my gosh was that good!! I am laughing so hard! I am a woman, I am from a family of 4 girls (my mom included), and I have an 8yr old daughter myself. Man, Have I had my share of senarios that you just described. I am with you on your initiative! Where do I pick up my yard sign?
I had fun adding this to a post on my blog. Great stories and so true!
I loved this post. Living in a houseful of males I get no understanding in this regard. Stories of public restrooms, me and the boys at very young ages run rampant. I’ll have to choose one.
I have a bathroom story…more of an outdoors story, but it’s not about me and since it’s not in a public bathroom I don’t know if it’ll qualify.
The only crazy public bathroom story I have is I was 6 and at the mall w/ my sister and her friend. Some disturbed guy got fired and so he stood in front of the mens bathroom w/ his pants down flashing everyone, fortunately my sister covered my eyes so I didn’t see anything. More ladies went down to go to the w/r and came back b4 they could go. We reported him to the security guard and he was arrested. That’s all I got, no humor in though. Sorry.
0:) Amber
[...] Blues Girls are having a contest to go along with their Ladies Room Initiative. It’s called the Gotta Go Giveaway, and as usual, I wanna win! So here’s my story about the most frustrating public restroom [...]
I added my story at Mommin’ It Up…hope you all enjoy! GREAT contest idea! As a mother of a newly-potty trained boy and an infant girl, I have a lot of public potty misadventures. Unfortunately.
These are great stories I don’t know if I’ll be able to top them off….here’s mine…earlier this summer I took my 10 and 11 year old niece to the movies. I had had a couple drinks before the movie to spice it up (Who at 34 wants to see Spiderman 3?-ugh). Drinking anything sometimes makes me want to go #2 so at the end of the movie on our way out I HAD to have a bathroom break. My niece went in the stall first and I waited then I went into the one next to her and did some business. I was trying to be quiet about it but failing miserably. We leave the theater and walk to a little restaurant for a bit and my 11 year old niece says “You know what Laura there was a lady at the bathroom who kept farting really loud”. I start laughing my @$$ off and I told her “That lady was me.” I’m smiling just remembering it!
I agree with F.F.M!!!1 I was literately doing the wave for you while reading your post…then i read Peas story….::Rolllinnnnnng on the floor::
I’ve got a few good bathroom stories and some I should keep to myself b/c of the graphics, but LOL!! Great post momma!!!
these are so funny I don’t have a story but I enjoyed reading all of yours.
Well, I’ve traveled and lived over in Europe for well over a year if you combine all my trips and I have to say just the bathrooms alone are strange. There are the co-ed bathrooms. Yes, that’s right, men and women joining together (separate stalls of course). There are all the different ways to flush the toilets there. Some are impossible to figure out and there has been many a time where I couldn’t flush because I didn’t know HOW to flush. There was the time we were driving in the Swiss alps and we stopped at a rest stop. Well, I go into the bathroom stall and there is literally 1 HOLE!!! That’s it!!! Good luck actually going into that one hole!! Then there is the whole obsession with the bidet. The first time I went into a European bathroom with one of these I had no idea what it was and so of course I wondered why they had 2 “flushers”! Well, of course I “flushed” the wrong one and got sprayed!!! Ok, I guess that’s all for now unless I can think of more!
I haven’t run into a bathroom line in a long time. I am sure to see a long line when we go to the fair next month. Maybe I should print off your post and take it with me when I submit my blue berry jam. Wouldn’t it be a pleasant surprise if they actually acted on some of the recommendations?!
My post is up and ready for reading.
http://mommas-world.blogspot.com/2007/08/i-beat-port-potty-to-death_15.html
[...] a blog post about it, link back to this post, and sign Mr. Linky at this bottom of THIS POST so we know you’ve [...]
Hello! I wrote a post on my site http://www.valuewit.com and linked it to this post, but I can’t find Mr. Linky! Help me!
Ladies’ Washroom Line Up
While at the mall the only bathroom available to the public had a line that went from the stalls right out to the hall. Although I really had to go I thought I held my composure well. I was at the back of the line, you know, out in the hallway. Slowly the line progressed and finally it was my turn! I almost wet my pants I latched the door behind me. Well, I tried to latch the door behind me but the latch wouldn’t catch! Thinking the weight of my large purse might keep the door shut I attempt to place it on that hook every public restroom stall seems to have. Not this stall. Ok I really have to go so I hold the door shut with one foot while I place the sani seat cover over the seat. Someone tries to push open the door of my stall and that activates the automatic flush. The seat cover disapears! I reach for another seat cover but realize that was the LAST ONE. Ok, I will improvise and wrap toilet paper around the seat cover. Of course I do not want to touch the seat cover so I cover my hands with TP first all the while holding the door shut with one foot and standing on the other. After wrapping the seat with the TP I realize the auto flush made a splash on the seat I had previously wiped off. This potty water was now seeping through the TP I had just wrapped around the seat. Ugh! Ok no worries, I will just squat atop the potty. I this point am about to burst in a way I might need surgery. I stand then squat while keep one foot firmly placed on the stall door. No hook for my purse and I am not going to place it on the filthy floor so I tuck it under my chin and brace it with one elbow as hand of my other arm is helping to keep my balance by bracing one of the stall walls.
My moment of satisfaction and release are upon me! I reach down for the TP but It is all GONE! I ask the lady in the stall next to me for a bit of TP but she says her’s is empty. Just then the stall door opens and hits my purse which immediately falls from chin and almost into the toilet! I grab it with the hand that was previously bracing against the side wall and holding my balance. As I fall into the comode the woman softly says “I’m sorry” and then my tushie hits the toilet water! The water splashes up into my purse, on to my shirt and drenches the pants which were down at my ankels.
Purse in my lap with toilet water, toilet watered pants around my ankels, shirt half wet with toilet water, I look up to see the lady who opened the door and 5 other women peering into my stall. “Are you finished?” one said. I stood up, slammed the door, took out a half wet tissue from my purse and wiped off as best as I could and walked out of the stall.
I made my way to the sinks, washed my hands and splashed clean water all over myself. Then I realize there are no paper towels. I do my best to immitate a wet dog shaking the water off. As I walked out the bathroom door a young woman pointed to my shoe and said “You have TP stuck to the bottom of your shoe.” Sure enough there was a long line of dry TP stuck to my shoe. I pulled it off, handed to her and said “Here, you might need this.”
[...] of MomLady. Pinks and Blues Girls are at it again! Enter these two contests by Friday, August 17th: Gotta Go giveaway for a DKNY bag and TONS of toiletries (write a post about a potty experience) AND Win a $20 [...]
I have done the mad dash into the mens room too, fortunately there weren’t any witnesses to verify this mishap! I just calmly turned around and found the correct door.
This is my first official “blog” so why not make it a good one!! I keep with the theme.. can’t believe I am sharing this!!!
Let me start this story by stating that my almost 3 year old son, Ben, is very into Private parts right now. he’s got a “wenis”, (I assume a combo of our name of choice- Penis, with Nana’s name of choice “wee wee”), and he thinks that everyone else should have one too. We were out to dinner recently and I rushed him into a very crowded bathroom to go “peeps” and then had him wait in the stall with me while I went as well. Well, after several babies and several episiotomies things haven’t been sewn up quite like they should be. I have a small flap of skin that looks like the dangly in the back of your throat. Well Ben, in his 2 year old way, yelled out “WAIT MOMMY!!! You do have a penis!!”
through smothered laughs I gathered him up (no hand washing and all) and dashed out of that bathroom. No need to worry if those people knew who it was or not, we spent the rest of our meal discussing why it isn’t a penis and why we shouldn’t yell in bathrooms… they know now!
… oh they do say the darndest things, don’t they?!
I think this contest/giveaway is fantastic! Here is my story:
I was at this professional building when I needed to use the bathroom. There are two stalls in the women’s bathroom (as there is usually only two). I was minding my own business, when the lady in the stall next to me starts talking about how she found photos in her husband’s car of another women. She went into full detail of those photos and what she thought of her husband. Well, for one thing I would NEVER talk on the phone (while on the royal throne) in a public bathroom. It is one thing to talk on the phone while visiting “john” at home…really, haven’t we all had to do that with our friends. But this lady, talking in the public restroom like she was somewhere else, when I heard the “kerplunk”. That is just gross. Needless to say, I finished up and got out of there.
I’ll submit a story on behalf of my husband… I had recently introduced my husband to the concept of wiping with pre-moistened wipes when you wanted to enjoy a fresher feeling after a No. 2. We were then vacationing in Iceland and ended up on the top of an observatory type thing in Reykjavik that also had a restaurant. We had just ordered a couple of drinks when my husband excused himself for a quick bathroom run. Well, the quick break turned into the better part of an hour. When he finally emerged he looked as though he had been through a war. When I asked what happened, he was a bit hestitant to explain and warned me not to laugh too hard. Apparently, after doing his business in a private stall, my husband noticed a dispenser containing some sort of cleaning product in the stall. Thinking it must be a funky European hygiene product for cleaning bums, he doused a wad of toilet paper with the stuff and proceded to wipe away. Well, it didn’t take long for the burning sensation to overcome him. With his ass on fire, he made sure the coast was clear and then somehow managed to waddle out of the stall to the sink to soak some toilet paper in water to try to soothe the burn. I guess it took a few trips between the sink and the stall before he finally got things under control. By the time the whole ordeal was finished he was sweating and spent. To this day I still laugh at the thought of this.