He’s going to Harvard
May 4, 2008 by Pinks & Blues Girls
This morning my husband and I were eating breakfast at a small local diner in our town.
It is rainy here in New England today, so people were crowded into the not-really-a-waiting-area. What I love about this diner is its eclectic mix. And today was business as usual. Senior citizens sipping coffee and reading newpapers at the counter. Babies squirming in high chairs. Teenagers whispering what teenagers whisper. Toddlers concentrating on their coloring book masterpieces.
And moms and dads.
Ah, the moms and dads. Audrey’s Friday post popped into mind as I overheard a mom tell an admiring stranger that her son was going to Harvard.
OK. But the stranger was admiring the artwork of 4-year old. Or maybe he was 5. Unless the child is some kind of prodigy and the acceptance letter has arrived, I don’t actually think that particular child is heading off to Harvard in the fall.
All the stanger did was comment on how wonderful the child’s drawing was. “Colorful and imaginary.”
But the mom took that moment to describe her child as “incredibly artistic and mathematical too.”
Again. OK.
The child did not look up at the stranger, or his mom. He just kept right on drawing. Lines. Colors. Swirls. Dots. Circles. A nice drawing to be sure, but I wondered what was going on in that little guy’s mind.
Does he know what “Harvard” is? Does he have any idea that he’s going there some day? Is there some family legacy that makes the mom so confident in her son’s acceptance?
Does the stranger who simply offered a little guy a wonderful compliment regarding his drawing even care?
And even more important to me, how many times has the mom told someone that her son is going to Harvard… and what if, in 12 years or so, the little guy who loves to draw does not get his much anticipated acceptance letter from Harvard?
It makes me almost cry to think about the pressure on the little boy. It makes me wonder why some parents place so much conditional acceptance on their children.
How about just letting kids be kids. Growing. Experimenting. Learning. Questioning. Answering. Sorting. Sifting.
Dreaming. Dreaming their own dreams with love, guidance and patience of caring adults who are comfortable in their own skin.
- Sharon
As a homeschooling mother, I cannot tell you how MUCH I love both yours & Audrey’s posts about titles. Because of our choices - all of our choices, we’ve always been the “odd” ones in our families. What about this. What about that. I’ve even been guilty of saying to people, while my daughter was in front of me “yes, she’s my thumbsucking hair twirler” - not out of malice, just as a general explanation of HER… and got out of it very quickly when SHE started introducing herself that way.
You’re right. Let’s just let them be KIDS. It is such a SHORT amount of time that they’re allowed to be.
Ahhhh. . .yes, the whole labeling thing makes me crazy, as does this pressure; pressure on kids to prove themselves at such a young age. Whatever happened to just drawing or playing or being a kid?
Yes, we experienced this a ton this year during my sons soccer season. Parents yelling and kids crying. Its soccer for crying out loud and these kids are 4 and 5 years old. It makes me pretty angry.
Amen. The labeling drives me batty. That poor kid. What if he wants to be a plumber?
so true! THis pressure seems to exist everywehere. From body image to athletics. My firends just went to her nephew’s baseball game (he is 6) and she said it was out of control how serious everyone was taking it!! Let’s just all be a little easy.
AMEN, I just want my kids to be happy, just happy. Rich or poor, or somewhere in between, school, or no school, their happiness is #1.
Sometimes people don’t know what to say and will say the first thing that comes to mind.
Going to Harvard probably was meant as a compliment. I guess it’s better than saying wow, that’s a crappy drawing, he’ll get far with that GED
:::::::kidding::::::
I am LOVING these posts. I’m learning a lot!
I love this! Because this kind of pressure and craziness comes from other moms too! I have a friend who asked me, when my daughter was four months, what classes we had signed up for in the Spring? Classes? What like macrame? Chess? French cooking? She’s not even one!
I looked her square in the eye and said “Yeah, SAT prep for infants. It’s really hot these days.”
Come ON!
Good point. There’s a fine line between encouragement and putting too much pressure on a child. Loved this post!
oh, how i agree with you. it just breaks my heart.
it’s also very hard for me to hear the comparisons between children. “she’s the artistic one.” “she’s got all the coordination.” etc. there’s room for two!