Bluetooth bothers me. There, I said it.
And it’s not just because the name reminds me of bad dental hygiene.
It’s more than that.
When they first came out, I seriously thought they were fancy hearing aids. Which was cool.
But then I realized that people actually chose to affix them semi-permanently to their ears. Which was not cool.
Still, I said to myself: Self, try not to be so judgmental. Maybe these people are all just very, very important. And so I tried.
And then the other day I was in the bathroom of a movie theater. I had held my pee for the duration of the movie, so when I was finally able to go, it was like a little moment of zen (you’ve been there, too, I dare say).
But then I heard incessant, one-sided, gossipy chatter in the stall next to me.
Why would someone bring their cell phone into the bathroom? said the germophobe inside of my head.
But as I walked to the sink alongside the chatting woman, I noticed that yes, while she was indeed talking, she was not talking to another person. Nor was talking into a cell phone.
No, she did not have schizophrenia (that I know of). She had Bluetooth.
But not only that. It was a pink, “blinged-out” Bluetooth headset (and the bling didn’t stop there, let me tell you – it was on the nails, rings, earrings, sunglasses, you name it).
I tried to be open-minded here, self. I tried to make you proud. But I just couldn’t help but think it screamed tacky.
OK, I guess if we’re going to scream it, we may as well scream it:
Since it perplexed me that seemingly reasonable people would choose to attach to their ear all day what amounts to a miniature cell phone, I decided to do a little field research. Maybe I was missing something. Maybe they really are a necessity for some.
So I Googled “pink Bluetooth headset” (I do have a life, it’s just that Steve was at a football game and I… OK, yes, I need a hobby). I found what I believe to be the pink Bluetooth headset in question.
One of the features listed for this headset reads: A separate volume control on the Motorola Bluetooth Headset lets you raise and lower the call volume as you move from place to place-from bedroom to boardroom, cafe to conference, or presentation to party.
Bedroom. Boardroom. Presentation. Humph.
Are we really going to be fielding calls in these places?
And if so, is reaching into our purse or briefcase – or onto the bed stand – going to send us over the edge?
The answer for me would be no.
I would also say no to the question: Must we make the whole world – including movie theater bathroom patrons – witness our private and uninteresting conversations?
But then again, I do have a germophobe speaking to me from inside my head, so what do I know?