I have a bone to pick with this guy:
You know him, he’s the Dyson Vacuum inventor. Sir James Dyson, to be exact.
But I like to call him Sir D, because it makes him sound like a rapper, and that’s cool.
Not so cool? Sir D has led me astray in my domestic duties.
I first started to hear a lot of good things about the Dyson about 4 years ago, right around the time I got engaged and was starting to think about
my our wedding registry.
I’ll admit that I was wooed by the hoopla surrounding the whole “no bag” thing. I would always forget to replace the bag of my old vacuum, and by the time I remembered, it just wasn’t a good scene.
Besides that, I would always forget to buy new vacuum bags (things like food and other basic human necessities were at the top of my shopping list, shockingly) so if I actually did remember to change it, I would be out of luck (well, more so my dirty rugs than me, I guess).
In the commercials, Sir D would say that sure, the current vacuum models were great and all, but (and this was the important thing) they had ONE design flaw – they lost suction.
But because of his innovation – the bagless vacuum – all would now be right in the world.
Plus, he had a British accent, which automatically meant he knew what he was talking about. And that Sir title didn’t hurt his credibility. (I’m easily impressed like that.)
So, pretty much convinced that Sir D had solved the world’s big puzzle – and already addicted to registering for just about anything and everything at Target – I put the Dyson on
my our registry.
I mean, he had solved THE vacuum design flaw, right?
I we did receive the Dyson as a shower gift, thanks to my mother-in-law. I was all gung-ho about using it at first, and I was pleased with how it worked, although carrying that heavy sucker up and down the stairs was no easy task.
However, with two big dogs, which equaled big time shedding, which equaled increased amount of vacuuming, I started to notice that it just wasn’t living up to its suctioning promises when it came to the dog hair.
Lo and behold, around that same time, they released a Dyson specifically created for use on pet hair. Unwilling to shell out $500 for a new vacuum when
I we had just received one, I sucked it up (as it were) and only cursed Sir D internally for not coming out with the pet hair model before I we registered for our wedding.
But hey, if they already mastered that ONE design flaw, I thought, why would they even need a whole ‘nother vacuum just for pet hair?
OK, so a few years have gone by now and I’ve been mildly happy with my Dyson.
My husband and I did have to send it back to Dyson once because it wasn’t picking anything up… when it came back, it worked better for a few weeks, and then went to being so-so. Which was better than picking up nothing, but not great.
Honestly, though, it was too much of a hassle to get people back on the phone and have to send it back/wait for its return again.
I had just kind of resigned myself to the fact that it seemed everyone else loved their Dyson but me. But what could I do? Sir D had made THE FLAWLESS vacuum!
So imagine my surprise when I heard Sir D’s voice from my television the other day, talking about how for hundreds of years, vacuum cleaners have had, “ONE fundamental design flaw.”
Old news! I thought.
But nooooo! He was talking about a NEW fundamental design flaw… the fixed axle that only allows vacuums to go in a straight line. So he has now created the Dyson Ball vacuum, which operates with one big ball – no wheels – allowing the vacuum to “pivot on the spot.”
He compares it to a computer mouse, which has a ball on the bottom so it can easily travel anywhere.
OK, I get that. But the absolute kicker in this commercial is when he says this line: “I mean, you wouldn’t make a computer mouse with wheels, would you?”
Of course I wouldn’t, Sir D. That would be silly!
But YOU DID make a vacuum with wheels. Remember that one!? The one that was supposed to be the be-all-end-all of vacuums.
I mean, I understand that things evolve and the need for new things comes about… but I remember in one of his original commercials, he said that he had gone through about 5,000 vacuum prototypes before he finally cracked the code in creating the perfect cyclone for his bagless vacuum.
Never once during those 5,000 failures did his team think, “Hey! Maybe there isn’t just ONE design flaw to be working on?”
I mean, going through 5,000 prototypes must have taken awhile.
I’m just thinking that maybe a light bulb could have gone off in someone’s head a little sooner.
OK, end rant. Consider bone picked.
Thanks for listening. I’m off to vacuum some dog hair.