My big beautiful boy Bismarck with Mama and Daddy on our last outing with him
I want to thank everyone for their compassion and concern for me and my family as we grieve the loss of our beloved Bismarck.
Bizzy would have turned 6 years old this month. At least that’s when we celebrated his birthday – August 15th. We’re not exactly sure of his exact birthday because my husband Steve got him from a shelter when he was a puppy.
There were no records of his birth… who his mother was, how many littermates he had, what kind of breed he was, or even where he came from.
But none of that mattered to Steve. He just saw Bismarck’s adorable puppy face as he played in the puppy area with the other shelter puppies. And he fell in love.
Steve never had dogs growing up. He wasn’t a dog person at all. But he says the minute he took Bismarck (or “Floyd” as he was called there!) from the shelter, he knew his life would be changed because of him.
I didn’t get to meet Bismarck until he was almost 2 years old. I had my black Lab, Ryder, who was about 1 1/2 at the time, and when Steve and I started dating, Bismarck became my boy, too, and Ryder’s brother.
Becoming a family of 4 – Brady Bunch-style – was fabulous. We lived in a small apartment in Providence while I finished school, and took Bismarck and Ryder everywhere with us.
We could walk to the park to play… walk to the college Main Green to play… walk to the Blackstone Blvd. walking path to play… walk to Thayer St. for ice cream (and to play!)…
Ryder has always been our little aloof girl. She loves being with us, but likes to keep a little distance. She gets excited when we come home, bringing toys to us and making her cute little excitement sounds, but doesn’t like to be smothered with love. She sleeps in bed with us, but at our feet, close enough to be touching us, but not so close that she feels like her space is being invaded. She gives us plenty of affection, but always on her terms.
Bismarck, on the other hand, always wanted to be IN the action. If Steve and I were hugging each other, all of a sudden we’d feel a little head nudge our legs, and it was Bizzy letting us know he wanted to get in on the snuggling. At night, he would position himself right in the middle of me and Steve, bury his snout under his pillow, and snore and dream as he slept.
When we walked through the door, Bizzy went into all-out excitement mode, jumping and hopping around with his tail wagging and his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. He was just a total LOVE.
And when Steve and I got married in December of 2004, is there any question as to who the flower girl and ring bearer were!?
That’s right… our two special furry little children!
We lived so happily as a family of 4 for four years. And then Bizzy was diagnosed with lymphoma of the GI tract on June 1st of this year.
We were told from the start that this type of cancer in dogs is rare, and that the prognosis was not good.
But we didn’t expect to have to say goodbye so soon.
For eight weeks, Bismarck fought the disease so bravely and without complaints. He taught me so many lessons throughout the time we had together, and those lessons in those last eight weeks were especially all about acceptance, courage and the power of love.
Bizzy just was never the same after his last chemo treatment on July 16th. But we knew that that that chemo drug was the strongest, and since he’d been sensitive to the chemo drugs in the past, we figured (hoped) that he was just wiped him out from it.
We brought him back to the Tufts hospital that was treating him last Monday (the 23rd) because he just wasn’t feeling well and we were worried. They kept him there overnight because he was dehydrated, and he really hadn’t eaten a meal since the week before (just a little food here and there was all he wanted).
When I picked him up on Tuesday (they said he had a good night and had eaten for him), I honestly still felt something was wrong. When he came out of his treatments usually, he would run up to me, with bounds of energy. But Tuesday he just kind of came up to me, happy to see me, but not “himself.”
I just could tell he didn’t feel well from then on. He didn’t have a lot of energy. His breathing was more labored. He got excited to walk and play ball and go for rides, but other than that he just wanted to lay around and sleep.
Thursday I just knew we had to bring him in again, but our vet at Tufts wasn’t in. So we brought him to the veterinary hospital about 15 minutes from us. They had diagnosed him in the first place, and had treated him a few times since then.
The emergency room vet kept him for an ultrasound and a few tests. The ultrasound showed that his cancer had spread. It was in his liver, his spleen… it was just ravaging his poor body.
The vet said that there was literally nothing more we could do. We wanted Bizzy to be with us until the end, and go out in the comfort of his own home. So we took him back home and called a house-call vet to come the next day (Friday).
I know Bizzy knew it was time to go. He knew it was too soon, as we did, but he had put on the bravest fight, and it wasn’t fair anymore for him.
My parents came home from vacation and Steve’s parents came over, and we were all here for Bizzy. Steve and I hugged him as he crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Way too soon.
He wasn’t even 6 years old yet. It is just so unfair.
Steve and my dad dug a grave in our side yard for Bizzy, and we put him there, right below our bedroom window, and with a view of the street so that he can watch over the neighborhood.
Steve and I knew we couldn’t sit around the house for the rest of the weekend and have nothing to do but cry, so we joined my parents and the rest of my family on their vacation in the Hamptons (we go every year, but Steve and I had opted out this year originally because of Bizzy being sick). We brought Ryder with us, and she was such a good girl.
Before we left our house on Friday, I was in the shower, crying, asking Bismarck to send me a sign that he was still with me, pain free and watching over us.
Something told me to just look for him everywhere.
Then, as we drove in the car on the way to the Cross Sound Ferry, I was lying my head on Steve when a song came on the radio… and the words immediately made me realize that Bizzy had been talking to me in the shower, telling me to look for him everywhere.
The song was “I’m Already There” by Lone Star, and the lyrics went like this…
I’m already there
Take a look around
I’m the sunshine in your hair
I’m the shadow on the ground
I’m the whisper in the wind
And I’ll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I’m already there
And I swear, the moment the song got to the part where it says, “I’m the sunshine in your hair,” a huge ray of sunlight shone directly on me.
And I felt Bizzy right there with me.
He has been sending me signs like that since then… and I know he will continue to let me know that he is always with me.
I had 4 glorious years with my Bismarck. And every moment I shared with him was filled with love and happiness.
I just wish our time together didn’t have to end so soon.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
It’s easy to see what a special Dog Bismark was.
I’m sorry for your loss. I know how hard it can be to loose such a special friend. Bismark was so lucky to have such a great family that has such an amazing amount of love for him!
Your post made me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounded like you guys had a great relationship with Bismark and you should be proud of the fact that you gave him a great life- took him out of a shelter and gave him a forever family. That’s really truly a special thing.
What a special tribute for Bismarck! I can completely relate to all the emotions you are feeling. Something tells me that Bismarck will always have a special place in your heart and lives.
Big {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}
That was a great write-up in honor of Bizmarck! You and Steve were/are great pet parents…I’m sorry you had to lose Bizzy too soon.
I absolutely love that you used them in your wedding. My baby, Shanti (English Springer Spaniel), was our ring-bearer.
I still miss Cinnamon (golden retriever). She died ten years ago but I grew up with her. She was like a sister. I know how you feel. I hope no one says that you can get another dog…I heard that a lot after Cinnamon died. There will be no other Bismark or Cinnamon.
I am sitting at work crying… my coworkers are wondering what is wrong (once I tell them I am crying over an animal they won’t be surprised). I am so sorry! Having a pet is always so bittersweet. Bismarck is a beautiful dog, I am so happy he brought you guys so much joy. You and your husband are wonderful parents to your dogs.
Your post makes me want to run home and give my dogs (Henry & Nesta) a big hug!
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s never easy to lose a member of the family. I’ll keep you and Steve in prayer.
{HUG} {HUG} {HUG}
I am crying as I read this!! I am so thankful you have that comfort!! What a gift! That song already gets me when I hear it but now I will think of Bizzy everytime I hear it! What a gift that he still gives you little hugs from heaven!
Your story reminded me of that scene on Grey’s when Denny and Izzy were in the hospital (after Denny was dead) and they were in the same spot and could sense each other. What a beautiful moment!!
I pray you will have as many of those moments as you need to heal!!
Much love to you – I feel like I knew Bizzy and that I know you! I want to give you a hug and make it go away but I know it will not happen today! Much love!
Me too, I’m crying. It’s just so sad. I’m so sorry for your loss.
It seems so unfair, but I always think that there is a reason for everything that happens, there has to be a bigger plan. (there has to be, why else bad things would happen to good people!) Now you have a very brave guardian angel to watch over you, Steve and Ryder.
Dedicated for you Jane, some HUGS:
http://skimbaco.blogspot.com/2007/08/blog-post.html
Katja from Skimbaco
ps. Our dog’s shelter name was Floyd too, we named him Frank (after Sinatra and Frankfurt am Main where we met)
Jane, I’m so sorry. I know he was part of your family and this must be so hard. What a wonderful dog! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband (such a handsome family picture, by the way!)
What a lovely tribute; I know your heart is heavy. The pictures you posted are great.
From a dog lover, I feel you lost
I’m so sorry. How sad. I know how it feels to lose a loved animal. I must have missed the original post about him while I was moving. I lost my Dyna when I was in highschool and I worked at the mall, I cried all night off and on while at work! I was so sad. You’re in my prayers.
Oh shoot. Now you have me crying 😦
Thoughts of you and Steve and Ryder as you all try to get past this difficult loss.
It’s been many years since I’ve had a dog, but it’s never easy to lose one.
This is beautiful, and it illustrates clearly how deep the bond the love for our dogs and cats reaches. Beautifully done. Now rest and know you have a friend in MO thinking about you, praying for you.
(I have to apologize, I don’t know why, but I thought Ryder was Biz all this time! I completely mixed them up, so I’d have been confused if you started showing up with the black dog in the pics.)
Nonetheless, bless your sweet heart, you have been through it and back.
Oh, Jane…This post truly made me cry. I cried because I am sad for your loss, but also because it is really touching to see how much love you and Steve have for your canine babies. It’s really so beautiful to see how much love and dedication you guys have for your family.
You guys are in my thoughts. Lots of hugs from Canada coming your way!
Chrissy xo
I’m so sorry! It’s so hard to lose a pet that you are so close to… My thoughts are with you!
Losing a beloved pet is never easy, as they are part of the family. I am so sorry you & Steve lost Bizzy when he was still so young…my dad was only 48 when he died of cancer so in human years he was much too young like Bizzy was in dog years! He is indeed all around you and in your heart:-) xoxo
That was a strong post, I’m glad you had all the words for it. {{hug hug hug}} Losing a pet is hard.
Oh gosh. I am at a loss for words. I am thinking what a beautiful, eternal love story.
My heart is with you.
My Beautiful Jane, Steve and Sweet Ryder… My heart is so full of sorrow that we lost our Beautiful Bizzy-Boy, but so full of joy that we had him in our lives for 4 wonderful years, and in our hearts forever and ever. I see Bizzy in everything I do… and everything I see, hear, smell and taste. Biz is an angel who came into our lives to tell us all about love and life, faith and friendship, beauty and wonder! I will love him always…
Mom – Pinks & Blues Girls
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss.
What a beautiful tribute. I couldn’t help but cry when I read how he passed on in your home with such love surrounding him. I am so very sorry for your loss. The wedding picture is so very sweet and you were a lovely bride. I pray that you will find comfort in the days ahead.
I’m weeping for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. Such a beloved member of your family, he sounds awesome.
Aw, poor guy. I hope you are finding comfort in your happy memories. He was obviously an amazing puppy to have touched you this much. ~Hugs.~
Oh, Jane. Your story is so beautiful. Almost cry. The song was a sign that he still with you.
Flower girl and ring bearer were a great idea. You’re beautiful wearing wedding dress.
I am so touched. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
Jane that was beautiful!
That was a lovely tribute to Bismarck. I’m sure you will “see” him in many more places.
Love that Ryder is kissing you in the wedding picture. Guess she took “you may kiss the bride” seriously!
Oh what a terrible thing you are going through. It is so unfair that our beloved dogs can’t stay with us until the very end. Bismarck was so lucky to have become a part of your family!
What a beautiful tribute, Jane. Truly, I’m touched, and I’m so not a dog person. He was such a lucky, lucky dog to have you two as parents. Ryder is, too! I do believe he’s with you, and will always be with you.
Hugs~
Dawn
I am so sorry! What a beautful dog.
I am so touched by this post. First of all, you’re a beautiful writer, and you’re also a great mom. Hugs to Ryder!
I really envy the four years you had with such an awesome
As a fellow dog owner, I’m sitting here in tears. I hope I have some good years left with my 2 pups, who are 6.5 and 2.
Biz will always be with you. And thanks for sharing such a wonderful tribute to him.
And I tagged you tonight, so please stop by.
And if you need anything, let me know!
[…] of PinksandBluesGirls wrote a beautiful tribute to her very special dog, […]
A beautiful tribute to Bismark and one I could relate to. I wrote about saying good-bye to several pets (http://jhsiess.com/2007/02/04/sunday-scribblings-45-goodbyes-part-one/), including some who left far too soon, like Bismark, and a couple who were with me for many years like my T.C. who slep on my feet for 18 years.
It’s always the same . . . so difficult because my pets are, like yours, my four-footed children. And a part of the family just as surely as us humans.
Blessings to you during this time of mourning. Bismark is indeed always with you, though. And you will be reunited. After all, heaven would be hell without our beloved pets, wouldn’t it?
[…] 18th, 2007 by Jane Three weeks have passed since we lost our beloved Bismarck, and the heartache is still […]
[…] that he is OK. I really do talk to him every day. And he has always given me those signs… the whisper in the wind, the sunshine in my hair. And I also believe that when I see sunflowers, that’s Bizzy saying, “Hi Mama! […]
[…] And Bismarck was with us, as he always is. The sunshine in my hair. The whisper in the wind. […]
[…] has told the story of Bismarck… how he went from being the sweetest, most beautiful, most loving, most healthy, most gentle, […]